Blog Posts by Brett Berk

In the sole single from their classic 1986 album "The Queen Is Dead," The Smiths croon saccharinely about committing an intense array of vicious activities, including: smashing teeth, bludgeoning the supine and empathizing with flame-roasted martyrs. Conspicuously absent from this musical litany is, achieving contemporary European automotive/pedestrian impact standards. This is not because Morrissey and Marr could not come up with a rhyme for “pedestrian” — given the lyrical prominence of Joan of Arc in said tune, “equestrian” is a rather obvious choice — but rather because these standards were not developed until 2009, 22 years after the group disbanded.

Still, the song in question, “Big Mouth Strikes Again,” could very well have been written about the newly revised 2014 Aston Martin Rapide S, whose muzzly — or, in Aston’s delightful parlance, “metallic full-face” — grille was inspired in no small part by these new regulations. Forged in one monumentally lustrous extrusion, the fascia is spring-clipped to the front of the car in such a manner as to absorb the force of a low-speed collision with a human fibula, thus meeting the (bizarre) new European leg-clobbering standards. Beats the hell out of a plaster cast.

Unless you’re blind, or own a Porsche Panamera (or both: the latter benefits from the former) you have to admit that the Aston Martin Rapide is the best looking four-door performance sedan on the market. The only ways we can think to improve it is to give it more power, tidy up the front end, and provide one to us free of charge, forever.

To paraphrase American poet Meatloaf Aday, two out of three ain’t bad.

Two of the saddest, and most sudden, American automotive casualties took place in rapid succession in the late 20th century: the demise of the Pontiac Fiero, and the disappearance of Alfa Romeo brand from the U.S. Their absence not only left a hole in our hearts, they left a hole in the nimble mid-priced sports car market — one large enough for Mazda, Toyota, and Porsche to drive a few hundred thousand Miatas, MR2s, and Boxster/Caymans through.

Pontiac is gone for good, but the good folks at the snake and cross brand have finally realized the error of their ways, and have uncovered the recipe for success in the American market: build and sell an Italian Fiero. That car is this, the Alfa Romeo 4C.

Oligarchic automaker Rolls-Royce introduced an all new car in Geneva today, a muscular grand tourer. Though this vehicle is christened the Wraith, the appellation is not pronounced in the traditional manner, rayTH, but is rather intended to sound something like, Bentley Continental GT.

Tired of watching Crewe drive away with the profitable six-figure gran turismo market, Rolls has crafted its own handsome fastback in a similar mode. And it works quite beautifully. Though Rolls’ designs generally tend toward the assaultively upright, the Wraith’s appearance is much more Streamline Moderne, invoking the triumph of mechanical speed working in concert with nature, like a French locomotive.

When we woke up at 6:00 this morning, in Geneva, to head to the local convention center in time for Chevrolet’s show-opening global introduction of its new Corvette Stingray Convertible, the outside temperature hovered around freezing. But this did not stop the Vette from taking off its thick, three-ply, padded, rectangular glass-windowed top, a feat it can now achieve fully electronically, as well as remotely (via the key fob), and at speeds of up to 30 m.p.h.

Jimmy Durante was born of humble circumstances on Manhattan’s Lower East Side in the dark days of the 1890s, but went on to become one of the most well-respected and highest grossing stars of the Jazz era. Yet however great was his regard, when he was eventually enshrined in pop music by Cole Porter with “You’re the Top,” Durante was memorialized solely for his signature sniffer. To quote: You’re a rose/You’re Inferno’s Dante/You’re the nose/On the great Durante.

Similarly, though it began as the offspring of workaday Japanese automaker Honda in the dark days of the 1980s, Acura went on to become one of the most well respected and best-selling car brands of the post-Malaise era, producing immortal and beloved hits like the Integra, the first generation Legend, and the original TSX. Yet when reviewers write about the brand today, they’re always certain to lead with a reference to the straked and argent beak Acura designers stuck on their models in the late aughts. To quote: You’re an axe/You’re Charles Barkley’s razor/You’re a shield/That could block Spock’s phaser.

Contemporary Maseratis are known for their arousing shapes, their redolent interiors, and their mellifluous Ferrari-sourced engines. What they are not known for is creative names. The four-door sedan is called the Quattroporte, which literally means "four doors," and the GT is called GranTurismo, which is what GT stands for. So when the trident brand began showing an SUV concept a few years back, we fully expected it to be named something like Sportutilitino. Instead, they rolled it out saddled with the oddball moniker Kubang, which not only sounds like something you'd experience at Sri Lankan massage parlor, but is almost impossible to pronounce without a terminal exclamation point. They've since changed the name to Levante, which, contrary to the vehicle's appearance, is not a contraction of Leviathan and Anteater.

Strangely enough, Maserati's generic appellations align with purported trends in the odd world of vehicular nomenclature, where the name should be good, but not too good, and memorable, but not overshadowing.

In the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy's fury, some of the most indelible images were those of flooded streets and buildings—and thus, cars—as well as interminable lines for gasoline. The insurance claims are still rolling in, but projections suggest that the number of totaled vehicles may reach the hundreds of thousands. And while petroleum and the power to pump it has been restored in many areas, the question of the next oil shock that creates miles-long lines at fueling stations isn't if, but when.

Since drivers with comprehensive coverage will get the full value of their flooded vehicles, and with the growing efficiency of modern vehicles, it only made sense to put two things together to encourage, post-Sandy, a sort of regional force majeure Cash for Clunkers.