Behold the most epic Craigslist ad ever crafted for steel wheels

Justin Hyde

Being the kind of man he is, our pal Ezra Dyer didn't just post a few pics and a single paragraph on Craigslist when he wanted to sell the spare steel wheels of his Ford Bronco. He chose to enter the gladiator ring of overwrought classified-ad writing and emerged a beknighted champion, thanks to prose like this:

What I'm offering you is tantamount to larceny. And not the petty kind. This is grand theft. Black steel wheels in this size usually sell for $60 to $80 each, and I'm asking $80 for all four.

Why, you ask? Well, the Buddhists have a word called "nekkhamma" that loosely translates as "renunciation" — the forgoing of that which incites lust and therefore impedes enlightenment. I'm not into that. It just happens to be your good fortune that I need $80 to put toward the calf implant I have on layaway. Right now I've just got the left one and I walk in big circles.

Go forth and behold this masterpiece in its entirety. Bring your G-suit and Rolling Stones records.

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