On Tuesday, a group of lawmakers threw on their Cardigan(s), drew on their cat eyes sharp enough to kill a man, and rolled up to work in their Getaway Car(s) to accomplish two simple missions. The first: to argue that Ticketmaster is the Anti-Hero in this conflict and all they’re ever gonna be is Mean. And the second? To stuff as many Taylor Swift references into their arguments as humanly possible.
In case you somehow missed one of the biggest stories of 2022 (or were lucky enough to actually score tickets and decided to wash your hands of the whole affair), Ticketmaster came under intense scrutiny last year for royally screwing up sales for Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour. Clearly cheated out of floor seats themselves, Congress announced that it would be holding a hearing “to examine the lack of competition in the ticketing industry” back in November. The hearing began today, quickly making it apparent that lawmakers neglected to announce a little internal competition of their own (per NBC): who can make the cleverest Taylor Swift pun?
Amy Klobuchar put in a strong entry with her opening statement, which referenced the fact that there can’t be too much consolidation in any given field, something that “as an ode to Taylor Swift, I will say we know ‘all too well.’”
Even non-Senators like Sal Nuzzo, SVP of The James Madison Institute, joined in the pile-on. “A few million Taylor Swift fans would respond: ‘This is why we can’t have nice things,’” he said in his witness testimony.
Republican senator Mike Lee was the clear frontrunner, however, making not one but three Taylor references in his statements. Not only did he refer to ticket transfer limits as “a nightmare dressed like a daydream” but he also took aim at Klobuchar, saying that while he recently had hopes of gaining Republican senate control, “once again, she’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers.”
Just in case anyone doubted his dedication, Lee ended his closing statement with one final jab: “Karma is a relaxing thought. Aren’t you envious for you it’s not?”
Regardless of who won the pun-off, these senators made one thing abundantly clear: in its larger defense, Ticketmaster is on its own, kid.
More from The A.V. Club