Happy Apple September Keynote day to all those who celebrate. It’s one of America’s holiest days, when consumers across the country — and across the world — huddle around their glass-and-chrome shrines to Tim Cook and Jony Ive, seeking wisdom passed down from the Holy Ghost of Steve Jobs. This year brought the usual bevy of shiny new materials and slightly-rounded corners, but it also came with an upgrade specific to owners of garbage cars: Satellite-enabled roadside assistance.

If you’re the kind of person whose ancient, cobbled-together “car” often leaves them stranded (that is to say, if you’re a Jalop), you likely live in fear of roads without cell signal. When that rotted old timing belt goes — and it will — how will you get a tow home? Thankfully, the latest round of iPhones has answered your prayers, by allowing communications with AAA via satellite.

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Roadside assistance via GPS is one of those features that you never, ever need until the second that you really, desperately do. Hopefully, it’s not a feature you ever have to test. But, let’s be honest. If you read this site, you’ll need it.

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