It has been almost a year of pandemic parenting, an all-consuming, ever-changing chaos that has tested American families in unprecedented ways.

Schools closed, then opened, then closed again. Playdates were fewer and fraught with new rules. Working parents often did their jobs without child care, while parents of teens did their best to buffer against a litany of losses – friends, sports, proms, graduations. For many low-income families, COVID-19 exacerbated existing hardships, and toxic stress trickled down from parent to child.

Nine months after COVID-19 changed everything, parents are asking the same question they asked at the start: Will my children be OK?

To answer that, USA TODAY spoke with more than a dozen experts. What we heard was children need what they always have: caregivers who are present and emotionally available. They need people to help them make sense of uncertainty and loss, who can help them navigate fear and change.

"Children can go through divorce, they can go through death, they can go through just an amazing array of things and come out looking pretty good, if they've got somebody who can support them," said Mary Dozier, a psychology professor at the University of Delaware who studies children who have experienced adversity.

USA TODAY asked parents for their most pressing questions. Experts in child development and education answer below.

How do I know if my child is OK?

Experts say there is no universal "normal." To know how well your child is coping, look for differences in behavior.

Brenda Jones Harden, the Alison Richman professor of children and families at the University of Maryland School of Social Work, said "normal" is different for every child. Parents should be concerned if their child appears more sad, hopeless or angry.

Teens, for example, are volatile and moody, but if those mood swings become more extreme, that's worth attention. Similarly, a child who starts having accidents after being fully toilet-trained might be struggling.

Phil Fisher, a psychology professor at the University of Oregon, said even those signs aren't necessarily red flags, but they are changes parents should monitor.

Is adversity good for kids?

It depends on the kind of adversity and whether they have support to cope with it.

Nat Kendall-Taylor, chief executive officer at the FrameWorks Institute and a senior fellow at the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, said people typically think of adversity in two ways: Either kids are unbreakable – impossibly resilient – or adverse experiences damage them beyond repair.

There are different classes of stress, he says, and outcomes depend on the kind of stress a child is experiencing.

• Positive stress is being challenged and pushed mildly out of your comfort zone, which leads to growth and development. That could be taking a difficult test or forming a new relationship with a safe, unfamiliar person.

• Tolerable stress is when bad stuff happens, but it happens in the presence of a buffering, supportive relationship, like the one a child has with a parent.

• Toxic stress is severe in its strength and chronic in its duration and happens without that buffering relationship. That's the kind of stress that can damage development.

"A key variable or mediator is the buffer," he said.

How worried should I be about my kids' use of screens?

If there's one thing parents can let go of their guilt about, experts say it's this.

A Pew Research Center survey this summer found more than 71% of parents in the U.S. with children under 12 were concerned their child was spending too much time in front of a screen.

Worried about your kid’s screen time?: Parenting issues arise due to social media, tech

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no screen time for children younger than 18 months (outside of video chatting), one hour of high-quality programming for children 2 to 5, and consistent limits for children 6 and older.

Now, children are learning virtually, and screens have in many cases become de facto babysitters. That isn't ideal, experts say, but it is reality.

"As a parent myself, I am not following those rules, and I'm trying to be kind to myself for never following those rules," said Natalie Renew, director at Home Grown, a national collaborative of funders that works to improve access to home-based child care.

Kendall-Taylor says that while the way children are engaging with screens now isn't optimal, children are incredibly adaptive.

"These biological systems are plastic," Kendall-Taylor said. "When kids go back to school and resume the kind of social relationships that they had with peers, that will have an effect on their development. Development is this open and contingent process. And that's to me the hopeful part."

How much does my well-being impact my child?

A caregiver's well-being is directly tied to their child's. Experts underscore a child's best buffer during the pandemic is a supportive parent.

But staying mentally well can be difficult in the midst of so many stressors, and financial hardships add to the burden. Fisher, who is also director of the Rapid Assessment of Pandemic Impact on Development Early Childhood Household Survey Project (RAPID-EC Project), which is studying the effect of the pandemic on children 5 years old and younger, said the survey has found caregivers in lower-income households report experiencing more depression and anxiety. Those stressors affect a parent's ability to be available.

RAPID's surveys show caregivers of young children are experiencing distress, financial hardship and loss of emotional support. Because the project's data is sequential, it's able to show a chain reaction. When a family is stressed about meeting basic needs, the next week they report more emotional distress, and the week after they report increases in their child's emotional distress.

"There's no question that if you can't buy food or you can't pay your rent, that you are experiencing the kind of stress that is going to be toxic to your children," Fisher said.

How can I react to my child in a calm and loving way when I’m stretched so thin?

The question's premise is heartbreaking, Renew said, but it shows the kind of emotional sensitivity that's paramount for parents and their children to weather this time.

Stressed parents can be distant and distracted, but children need emotional and physical closeness. Communication is key.

"We know that talking builds young children's brains. This is also a good way to help your child understand why you may be frustrated or irritable or rushing or overwhelmed," she said. "I find that bedtime is a great time to reflect with my child and sometimes to apologize if I have been snappy or crabby that day. I am a big believer in saying sorry."

Is the pandemic causing my child permanent damage?

"There is no molecule that we can assay, or questionnaire that we can administer, that will say a hundred percent we can guarantee this shows you'd better get help, or a hundred percent this shows that things are going to be fine, no matter what," Fisher said.

But experts say that unless a child is experiencing toxic stress, they probably will recover well and may build resiliency that will serve them in the long run.

"Even in the midst of all of this adversity, no child is lost," said Myra Jones-Taylor, chief policy officer at nonprofit Zero to Three. "We never speak about children being irreparably damaged."

If you feel your child is doing OK, your gut is probably right. If you feel something is off, seeking support from a professional makes sense.

"Parents know their children, and parents have a sense of the vulnerability of their children," Fisher said. "If people have serious concerns about this, then seeking support makes total sense. If for no other reason, then for reassurance."

I'm working from home and I don't have child care. How can I do my work and not neglect my child?

Quality matters more than quantity, experts say. Even if you can't give your child all the attention they crave, showing you are still present and available for important things can go a long way.

That can mean taking a moment to talk about the picture your child just drew, or breaking from work to help with a question about school.

"I work with mothers who are full-time employees and who have their children doing their work right beside them. And right in the middle of our conversation, the child comes up and says something and these moms turn and are responsive to them, and say, 'Oh yeah, here's what you need to do to get to that next step on your Zoom call.' Or, 'Yes, Molly, I love your hair like that,'" Dozier said.

How much does missing in-person school matter?