Yahoo Autos 21 Parents Shared What They Wish They Knew Before Having Kids, And This Is Some Powerful Stuff
Last week, we asked parents in the BuzzFeed Community what they wished someone told them before they had kids.
And we received so many thoughtful and intriguing responses. Here's what they had to say:
Note: This post mentions suicide ideation in #8.
1."Parenting isn't about being a dictator. I should have treated my children with more respect and listened to them at their own level. I was so scared to be too lenient because I thought they would be disrespectful and out of control. One child pushed back and lacks respect for me because I was too overpowering and not understanding. I always thought it was 'my way or the highway.' They are little humans with real emotions, and I should have respected that more."
"I'm very fortunate that I have a decent relationship with my children, but I could have done a lot better raising them. I often apologize to them for not being a better mother."
–Anonymous
2."Start therapy well before you begin trying to become a parent. If that's not possible, I'd say begin therapy as soon as you find out you're going to be a parent. Also, take a good, hard look at your relationship, or lack thereof, with your parents. It will come up in your own parenting, I promise you."
–Anonymous
3."You need to be able to apologize. There are going to be times when you lose it and yell or act out of frustration. Kids take this to heart, and being able to apologize to them goes a long way towards helping them learn how to appropriately deal with their emotions."
–Anonymous
4."I never knew truly how little sleep I would be getting. My wife had postpartum depression and then latching issues while trying to nurse, and the first two years were pretty painful as far as the exhaustion levels go. The sleep deprivation does affect your mental health and honestly everything; your decision-making, your responses, all of it is hampered by lack of sleep. Sometimes, I wondered if we were even capable of keeping our baby safe because we were running on nothing."
"The scariest moment was me feeding our baby in the rocker, holding him up close to my chest and then waking up several moments later to him lying across my lap. I had fallen asleep, and he slipped out of my arms. Thankfully, he was safe in my lap and not on the floor. It was pretty terrifying."
–Anonymous
5."I wish someone had told me that it’s okay to struggle. It’s okay if you don’t feel that instant connection with your baby. It’s okay if you don’t want your kids to take over your identity. Mom guilt is such a horrible thing, especially when you’re a new mom and have literally no idea what you’re doing. The truth is no one has any idea what they’re doing. But you do know one thing, and that is that you are the only person who knows what’s best for you and your baby."
"Do what feels the most natural and learn from your mistakes. Let your kids guide you to where you need to be. Don’t swim against the current; you’ll just make it harder for yourself. You will still wind up exactly where you’re meant to. Kids are extremely forgiving; you have to be able to forgive yourself."
–Anonymous
6."I wish I had known how much I would have to give up. Not just my finances and time, but personal space, brain energy, and the freedom of not worrying! Whether they're two years old and physically in your bubble at all times or 17 and taking all your food and your car. It's EXHAUSTING giving all of yourself, all the time."
–Anonymous
7."Postpartum hair loss. I had no idea until I was showering after having my son, and my hair was coming out in clumps."
8."How badly my mental health would be affected. After my first child, I had bad postpartum depression and anxiety. I couldn't be away from my baby, or I'd have panic attacks. I'd have nightmares and wake up terrified something had happened to him. I'd want to hurt myself so I could maybe rest because I was so tired. I got so overwhelmed by the crying that there were shouting matches and break-ups. They just tell you, 'You might feel low or teary,' so I didn't see the signs."
"Got medicated, healed with my husband, and a couple of years went by. After my second child, I was more prepared to look out for the signs, as was my husband. But I didn't expect to feel suicidal even after upping my meds and a year going by. Some people are more prone to it than others, but always, always ask for help."
—Anonymous
9."People always talk about how hard it is to take care of a baby. Sure, that's true in many ways, but it is far, far, far more difficult to take care of a toddler, and it gets harder with every single stage. As soon as you get the hang of one age, they're doing something else you have to try to manage. Throw in neurodivergence, sports/activities, coordinating playdates...It's really not for the weak."
10."I wish someone told me how expensive child care is and to save for it. Having two kids, our daycare bill was basically a second mortgage payment. I'm still paying off my credit card, three years after their last day there."
—Anonymous
