2013 Nissan Pathfinder, the evolution of the species: Motoramic Drives

Based on recently unearthed (read: invented) archaeological material, we can postulate that the history of family vehicles goes like this: wooly mammoth sedan chair, foot-driven stone-wheeled surrey, antelope-drawn woody chariot, paddled gondola, horse-drawn barouche, and velocipedal crew-cab, before reaching its apogee around 1905 with the invention of the internal combustion engine and its installation in a station wagon.

This functioned perfectly for about 80 years, or roughly until the Baby Boomers starting having kids, since, as we know, the Baby Boomers ruin everything. This destructiveness is rooted in an intrinsic generational antagonism that reflexively rejects everything their parents loved, regardless of how great it was, and replaces it with its polar opposite: ratty tresses for crisp Don Draper side parts, stultifying weed for delicious alcohol, sloppy free love for overt monogamy and covert cheating and indulgence for anything resembling child-rearing discipline. And SUVs for station wagons.

This last switch worked out about as well as the Boomers' other choices, with their 50 million oversized SUVs contributing no small amount to an atmospheric concentration of greenhouse gasses, and a nationwide traffic jam. Eventually, the BBs noticed that the oceans started rising around the unstable islands on which they'd clustered their retirement homes, and that they could no longer drive to Target without refueling mid-trip. And they were like, Oops. Fortunately, our government intervened, finally demanding optimistically realizable fleet fuel economy figures. Then everyone suddenly wanted a family vehicle that offered more efficient packaging—lighter weight, less tipsy handling, better gas mileage. In other words, something more like a station wagon.

This is how we ended up with the unexceptional intermediary category of vehicles known as crossovers. And why the 2013 Nissan Pathfinder — one of the SUV's trucky 1980s progenitors, and one that has since sated the Boomers' gluttonous cravings with successively larger cabins and engines — has now reinvented itself as such. Gone is its blocky, flared-fender stance. Gone are its trendsetting-turned-anachronistic hidden rear door handles and truck frame. Gone is its honking 5.6 liter V-8 with ridiculous 6.4 second 0-60 run.