Man Considered "Too Drunk" Is Acquitted of Hit & Run Charge

"If your drunken memory causes you a fit, you must acquit."

Okay so we made that line up, but we're not making up any bit of the rest of this seemingly insane story. An Ottawa judge has ruled that volunteer firefighter Trevor Clarke is not guilty of the hit and run charges levied against him. Clarke was pulled over for driving while under the influence, and his blood alcohol level was a rather impressive four times the legal limit. Before he was stopped for the DUI, Clarke also struck a cyclist with his truck, who then suffered a brain injury.

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Clarke wasn't convicted of the hit and run because the judge felt he was too drunk.

Let us explain while you pick your jaw up off the floor: The judge believed that Clarke was so drunk that he actually didn't realize he had hit someone, and thus didn't know he needed to stop. While that bit of twisted logic makes sense for a second, and Clarke's lawyer deserves the Johnny Cochran Lifetime Achievement Award, it's also wildly ridiculous.