What's the most American new car? Try these on for size

OK, it's time for a calendar-based theme week in our ongoing series of handing our editors wads of fake cash and telling them to buy a car of some sort. This week, to celebrate Canada Day on July 1, we've decided to ...

Wait, I've been told by my American colleagues that Americans would rather read about American things, so we're going to do the Fourth of July instead. Probably more interesting that way.

The job before us is simple: build the new car each of us feels is the most American. In character? In who buys it? In where the parts come from? I'll leave that up to them.

Here are this week's rules:

1. There is no price cap this week due to the glories of the free-market economy.

2. The car must be new because new cars are better and the unions who make them are the backbone of America.

3. New "car" is meant generically. SUVs and trucks are included too because there's only, like, five literal cars left.

4. Choice must be made while listening to John Phillip Sousa.

Tesla Model S Plaid

Associate Editor Byron Hurd: Turn the clock in your head back 20 years. Vipers ran wild, the Corvette Z06 was fresh and the Cadillac CTS-V was still effectively a secret. America's performance cars were capable but crude — and we loved them for it. Now, we've got Dodge selling badge-engineered Alfa Romeos and Chevy selling world-beating, mid-engine sports cars. We've come a long way in two decades, but as much as I may love my personal CT4-V Blackwing and its larger, even more boisterous sibling, they were clearly designed to compete with un- non-American rivals. Blackwing as a concept was meant to take the fight to Europe.

But Tesla? Say what you will about the company, but its products have more DGAF ("Don't give a ****" for the somehow still uninitiated) energy than anything else on the road. Telsa doesn't care how the European or Asian manufacturers do it; hell, Tesla doesn't even care how the rest of America does it. There is a Tesla way, and the Model S Plaid goes that way really freakin' fast. Do you have opinions about EVs? Good for you. Feel free to share your thoughts when you can catch up.

Ford F-150 King Ranch

Senior Editor Jeremy Korzeniewski: This one seemed obvious to me. Yes, SUVs and crossovers are making major inroads, but pickup trucks are still going strong with the top three best-selling nameplates, and several more of the top 25. The Ford F-Series is the best-seller of all, and nothing says America like a Cowboy-themed pick-em-up. I went with red for obvious reasons, and the two-tone scheme seen above looks good to my eyes. From there I just picked options I thought the average American would want. It's powered by a 5.0-liter V8 -- Americana at its finest -- and has four-wheel drive. I went with the largest cab and the short bed, because while that is absolutely not what I'd personally want, it's what I tend to see most often on American roads. As equipped it's around $70,000. That's a whole heck of a lot, but here we are. This, to me, is the most American new car.

Dodge Challenger SRT Hellcat Redeye Widebody Jailbreak

Road Test Editor Zac Palmer: Somebody had to do it, right? It doesn't really matter that the Challenger is built in Canada, because the Hellcat bleeds red, white and blue stronger than any new vehicle in existence. Dodge stayed true to the muscle car ethos throughout the Challenger's entire run, which is something neither the Ford Mustang nor the Chevrolet Camaro can claim. And sure, that may be for the worse when it comes to things like handling and track performance, but who cares? Just like your average American tourist on vacation in Europe, you'll always hear the Hellcat go by, and the volume level will definitely be a few notches too high for comfort. There's no quiet mode; the seats are similar to what you'd find on special at the nearest La-Z-Boy, and you can drink through a whole tank of fuel in just 11 minutes at full throttle. Did I just hear a bald eagle screech in the distance?

Obviously, I configured mine in B5 Blue with red stripes, red brake calipers and red badging. I ticked the "Demonic Red" leather option and also chose the red seatbelts and steering wheel with the glowing red center SRT badge. The Chrome fuel filler door was the final touch, because you can't call a car American unless there's at least a little bit of gaudy chrome visible. All in, I'm looking at $103,819, and I'll make sure to finance that over the course of 108 months. Rah! Rah!