Yahoo Autos 4 Things Single Parents Actually Need from You
During most of my first marriage, I believed the lie that if I were ever to become a single mother, it would negatively impact my children, or that it would be so difficult on me that I couldn’t handle it. For that reason, I forgave things that most people would never dream of forgiving. But then one day, when our youngest was only 6 months old, I found out that my then-husband was having (yet another) affair, and something in me snapped. I kicked him out of the house and never looked back.
Several months, and several thousand dollars later, I learned that money can, in fact, buy happiness — when it is spent on your freedom via a good divorce attorney. While my children and I really flourished once we were out of that toxic environment, I will verify that single motherhood was just as difficult as I feared it would be. I was one of the lucky ones, though. I had an incredible community of people cared about me and my kids. I had both friends and family offer everything from babysitting and hot meals to a shoulder to cry on and a place to stay if I ever needed it.
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And while those acts of kindness will always mean more to me than I can ever speak into words, it actually wasn’t the things that made life easier on me that were the most helpful. The most important and meaningful support I got was what I needed most: These four things that made life easier on my kids.
1. Speak Positively About Non-Nuclear Families in Front of Your Own Children
As you talk about other families, please remember this: The way you speak about divorced parents, single moms, etc., in front of your own children will, I guarantee, influence the way your children speak about the children of families on the playground and at school. We all know that peers have a tremendous amount of influence on the way that children feel about themselves. Speaking kindly at home will help train your child to speak kindly and could make a world of difference to a child who is going through a difficult time.
2. Use Inclusive Language
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We have all said something along the lines of, “Where are your parents?” or, “You need to ask your mom and dad,” right? But while these may seem like responsible and innocuous phrases, consider replacing “parents” with “adults” or “grown-ups.”
Without realizing it, using “mom and dad” may cause a child to feel abnormal or stop them from getting your point because they’re too focused on a painful situation at home. Using inclusive language instead prevents uncomfortable moments of friction and allows children to focus on a more important message.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions About the Other Parent’s Involvement
There is a popular myth that single parents have positive relationships with their exes because once the relationship is over, they can focus only on the children. If that were true for all uncoupled parents, that would be wonderful. However, the reality is that this isn’t always the case.
Unfortunately, the reality is that often those relationships are incredibly challenging and even sometimes riddled with a history of physical or emotional abuse. What’s worse, not every parent is a good parent to their child. Because of that, you need to make sure you’re not making assumptions, positive or negative, about the other parent’s involvement. It can actually be something that causes a great deal of pain for the child.
