This Is What Your '70s Van Murals Would Look Like

I wonder how many current readers know who that’s referencing.

Kreiger’s van from Archer of course

I’m definitely going full nautical with mine - we’re talking complete with a Kraken attacking a 17th century Galleon, lightning, maybe Poseidon rising from the waves. Give it that serious “Here be monsters” vibe.

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Goes well with the whole surf van / beach bum look I’d be cultivating.

You can just crank up some Alestorm at all times while driving.

Some of the better pinball machine art would do.

Because I love the Simpsons and it seems they’ve been on since the 1970's.

No mural. Neon green metal flake body, chrome-reverse wheels, smoked tear-drop windows in the upper rear quarters, slight rake, rear flares for wider tires, lake pipes, smoked rear windows.

I’ve put thought into this.

Already done :)

I’m putting a 70s-80s sportscar profile with wheels on the van that look racecar-ish so it looks like a racer going down the street. Maybe the UOP Shadow.

One does not simply walk into Mordor. One drives there in a van with wizards and dragons airbrushed onto it.

These days I suppose you could cheat by making the design on a computer and doing a wrap.

I believe rule one is a wizard must be involved.

Beyond that, clouds, major boobage and something?

So basically a scene from Heavy Metal?

I’m going with large friendly flowers, big over done daisies and sunflowers on a pale blue background... but, I’m also gonna stick a bunch of odd antenna on the back bumpers, bumpers, front and back, which will be over sized plastic and waaaay too tough looking for a hippiemobile. Also, the rear windows are gonna be smoked out. A couple of extra spotlights on the upper front, and, also painted in daisy and powder sky blue, a riot grill that can swing down over the windshield. I’m gonna have mine be the van everyone starts MiB (technically, WiB, but you know nerds) conspiracy theories about. A real Flowers By Irene, or Noelle’s Sunflower Association, looking van.

I’d want some kind of trompe l’oeil effect that makes the whole van look like something else, like a Star Trek TOS shuttlecraft or a runaway covered wagon.

All you losers only thinking in two dimensions.

This is what you do:

1. Buy a kit of Adam West’s batmobile.

2. Attach the front to one side of the van.

3. Attach the rear to the other side of the van.

4. Make sure they are aligned so that the whole vehicle appears to be stuck in the van.

Frazetta or nuthin’!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymous Bosch

Definitely something 8-bit inspired, like Mario throwing fire balls or Bullet bill with a doober in his mouth.