Yahoo Autos Bird Is Making Some Pretty Outrageous Boasts about Its New Bird Two Scooter
Bird, the app-based scooter rental outfit, has unveiled its all-new Bird Two scooter.
In its promotional materials for the Bird Two, Bird makes some incredible claims.
We break down those claims and offer a reality check for each one, for your enjoyment.
Mobility is changing. We get it. Pollution, congestion and just plain old expenses mean we need new solutions to make travel, especially inside cities, work better for everyone. But there's a line, and arguably, this is it.
Bird is introducing an all-new rentable, electric ride-on scooter, the Bird Two, which will join the company's global fleet of annoying and questionably safe e-scooters. At first glance, it looks pretty much like the Bird scooters currently scattered on lawns, parks, and sidewalks in a metro area near you, potentially giving you or your friends head injuries. But Bird sees the Two much differently—it isn't merely a scooter, it's something more.
Many of Bird's claims for the Two are standard new-product fare, including stuff about improved usability, 50 percent more battery capacity, and puncture-resistant tires. Amusingly, the Two also features dual kickstands that Bird insists are "anti-tipping"; trust us, people are still gonna kick these over, high-tech kickstands or not. And that's only the tip of the over-the-top declaration iceberg, anyway. To give you a taste of Bird's, um, thinking here, we went through its claims, line by line, to highlight just how silly they are:
Bird: "The model T, reborn."
C/D: To elevate the Bird Two into the same category as the car that put America on wheels is ambitious, to say the least.
Bird: "With a seamless form and swanlike silhouette, Bird Two is designed to change micromobility forever."
C/D: So, let's circle back to that Model T comparison—that Ford wasn't micromobility, it was decidedly macromobility. Also, is a "swanlike silhouette" desirable in a motorized vehicle?
Bird: "We engineered every element around the comfort of our riders, putting the vehicle through rigorous testing to verify its safety and durability in all environments."
C/D: Because what could be more comfortable than standing on a platform supported by two tiny wheels while careening down cracked sidewalks and potholed streets?
Bird: "Surf the streets with fast acceleration and sophisticated control."
C/D: This is a scooter, right? It has two wheels and no suspension, and you turn it by swiveling a stick connected to another stick connected to a wheel. Or falling off it.
Bird: "Improved steering geometry offers increased stability and responsiveness at all speeds."
C/D: Seriously, the steering system is a stick. Connected to another stick. With a wheel bolted to it. But hey, look out, Porsche 911 GT2 RS.
Bird: "Bird Two has the only automotive-grade battery management system in an e-scooter today."
C/D: That feature is sure to be appreciated by drunk college kids riding these things home from the bar.
Bird: "Our longest-lasting battery is optimized for safe performance, no matter the weather or temperature."
C/D: This is a thinly veiled hint to potential riders that Bird believes its scooters' batteries won't spontaneously combust or something. Don't you feel safer?
Bird: "Bird Two can handle all types of conditions—without compromising the safety of the ride."
C/D: Until Bird can figure out a way to ensure every rider who rents one of its scooters actually wears a helmet and knows what the hell they're doing, claims about not compromising the safety of the ride are hard to quantify.
Bird: "With self-reporting damage sensors and automotive-inspired diagnostic technology, our mechanics can easily and efficiently repair Birds in need of attention."
C/D: There is an endless stream of videos floating around the internet showing hooligans vandalizing rentable electric scooters, disgruntled citizens taking matters into their own hands and disposing of scooters left on their property, and other general acts of scooter mayhem, up to and including tossing the things off bridges and setting them on fire. We kind of doubt "damage sensors" are going to stop that.
Bird: "Landing soon in a city near you."
C/D: Or, more accurately, these things will be littering a public space near you soon. But, hey, at least you can admire their swanlike appearance before defeating the anti-tip kickstands and knocking them over.
Want to see for yourself? The full text of Bird's press release follows.
Bird Unveils Bird Two
August 01, 2019
Features Over 50% More Battery Than Bird One, Self-reporting Damage Sensors, No Exposed Screws, Anti-tipping Kickstand, Anti-theft Encryption, and Puncture-proof Air-filled Tires for a Smooth Ride.
Santa Monica, Calif., August 1, 2019 – Bird today unveiled Bird Two, a next generation e-scooter that will be part of Bird’s global fleet of shared e-vehicles. Bird Two ushers in a new era of micro-mobility that delivers an improved rider experience, provides added features to benefit cities, and positions Bird to deliver even greater unit economics with its custom designed and engineered vehicles.
“Bird Two is the embodiment of Bird’s commitment to the safety of our riders and those around them, our partnership with cities, and our focus on building a sustainable long-term business that reduces the number of cars on the road,” said Travis VanderZanden, founder and CEO of Bird. “With the industry’s longest lasting battery and self-reporting damage sensors, anti-tipping kickstand, anti-theft encryption, puncture-proof tires, absence of exposed screws, Bird Two is the next generation e-scooter specifically built to exceed the needs and demands of riders and cities alike while delivering a significant positive bottom line impact.”
About Bird Two
Last fall, Bird introduced the world’s first ruggedized e-scooter, Bird Zero. Less than a year later, the company is unveiling Bird Two, an e-scooter that represents an unmatched advancement from a city, rider, and hardware experience. In development since the company’s founding, Bird Two has a variety of unique designs and features that set it apart from previous e-scooters and make servicing and maintaining the vehicle easier and more efficient. Bird Two highlights include:
Industry’s longest lasting and most Durable Battery: To help riders get where they need to go and to avoid impact from extreme weather temperatures, Bird completely re-engineered the battery for its latest vehicle. Bird Two’s battery has over 50% more capacity than Bird One’s battery and is automotive-grade. These enhancements coupled with the first of its kind battery management system, allow Bird Two to operate even more safely and with performance optimized for significant temperature variations.
Autonomous Damage Sensors: Inspired by the advanced diagnostic technology found in automobiles today, Bird Two features self-reporting damage sensors. With these sensors, Bird mechanics can more easily and rapidly address aspects of the vehicle that need repair and attention and rapidly remove them from the road until they are repaired.
Seamless Screws: Exposed screws on micro-mobility vehicles can cause injuries and make vandalism easier. To help protect against these problems, the design and engineering team at Bird worked to ensure that Bird Two did not include any exposed screws. The absence of excessive exposed screws helps create a more seamless design while also reducing painful injuries and vandalism.
Industrial-grade Anti-Tipping Kickstand: In response to cities and community members providing feedback regarding tipped vehicles that lead to sidewalk clutter, Bird Two features an industrial-grade anti-tipping kickstand. The kickstand is uniquely designed to withstand the elements of the shared micro-mobility market while reducing the chances of a Bird being knocked over when parked.
Anti-theft Encryption: Building on Bird’s proprietary OS that powers the brain of each of its vehicles, Bird Two includes enterprise level anti-theft encryption. The added encryption helps deter theft and protects riders from potentially malicious hacks that other e-scooter OSes are susceptible to.
Puncture Proof Tires: With nearly two years of operational data, Bird found that flat tires resulting from poor road infrastructure and sharp objects found on city streets, caused a decrease in the reliability of its vehicles and lead to time intensive repairs. Bird Two builds on these learnings and features puncture proof tires that not only deliver riders a more reliable and comfortable ride but will decrease repair and maintenance demands.
Availability
Bird Two will be rolling out next week.
For more information, visit bird.co/two.
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