Yahoo Autos Of Course There’s No Steering Wheel in My High-Speed Flying MegaCar
From the September 2018 issue
Welcome to my THEODORE talk. It’s like a TED talk, but longer. You won’t be bored, though, because I’m going to address a subject that nobody ever thinks about: the future. Specifically, the future of driverless cars. Step inside my mental VR, where you’ll take trips in which you don’t “drive” at all. I know it sounds like fantasy, but I predict that this scenario will be possible within five years. I call this historic moment the “disruption eruption,” and, yes, I trademarked that, just like Pat Riley did with “three-peat.”
We begin our trip near an office building, at a social rideshare convergence zone. This is where travelers gather to await the arrival of a MegaCar, a large shared-mobility device that can transport perhaps 40 riders. This kind of efficiency is possible because many commuters travel between regular destinations, thus enabling daily MegaCar rides along what we’ll call a “route.” Riders can pay for a trip with MegaCar Coinz, which are just like dollars but more disruptive. MegaCars are “driven” by sophisticated AI systems that can automatically avoid obstacles, detect pedestrians, and communicate V2V via yelling. Each AI pilot module will have its own name, like Gary or Bernice. Depending on the demeanor of your fellow rideshare members, you should probably not make eye contact on the MegaCar or get on Bernice’s last nerve.
The MegaCar drops us off at a three-person common-seating apparatus that’s emblazoned with an advertisement for personal-injury lawyer Chet Flincher, who specializes in class-action ingrown-toenail malpractice. From here, we take a short walk to a larger rideshare confluence hub. This transportation campus, if we may, is the terminus for a system of modular Linked MegaCars with their own dedicated roads. Each passenger module is physically connected to a fixed pathway via metal discs, which offer low rolling resistance and the ability to totally flatten a penny. Imagine that you’re on your way from Boston to New York, traveling at 150 mph while sipping a coffee and streaming Netflix-all without ever touching a steering wheel. It’s hard to believe, but I think we’re closer to this reality than you expect. Remember that, in 2006, nobody thought digital music would ever be possible, but then Microsoft released the Zune. You know the rest of that story.
Our Linked MegaCar journey continues, sometimes underground and sometimes practically through people’s yards, before arriving at our destination, an even busier mobility-solution complex. I might lose you here, but try to suspend your disbelief as I describe our next mode of travel: the Flying MegaCar. That’s right. It’s like a car with a lot of seats and it flies at 500 mph. And, no, silly, you don’t do the driving! As with MegaCar and Linked MegaCar, the vehicle is controlled by an experienced AI package-there’s even a co-AI for redundancy. You’ll book your seat online, show up at the appointed time, and then wait in an open-concept seating area where you can conveniently charge your phone by sitting on dirty carpet next to the concrete pillar where they put the one outlet.
Once aboard the Flying MegaCar, you’re in for a treat. You can have the free soda of your choice, and snack boxes are available for purchase as long as you don’t want the Savory Surprises box, since they ran out of those on the last leg from Topeka. Sometimes one of the AI attendants is a little bit sassy and says something like, “If you’re traveling with small children, what were you thinking?” and everyone will laugh because they’re not supposed to say stuff like that but we’re all in a good mood because we’re going to Vegas. I’m not sure how Flying MegaCar companies will deal with passengers’ luggage, but I’m sure they’ll come up with some kind of process that will make everybody consistently satisfied.
After our rideshare air-drive, we arrive at the toughest challenge in automation, the “last mile” dilemma. That’s where the Convenient Active Response System (CARS) comes in. You’ll summon CARS on your phone, and within minutes a mobility module will pull up. Theoretically, you could get any kind of mobility module, but in practice it will be a silver Hyundai Elantra piloted by Kiril. Since each AI chauffeur is different, you’ll be able to rate each of your CARS experiences via a star system. Did Kiril get inexplicably agitated because he thought you slammed the door when you got in? Like, hey, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to hurt your Elantra, but while we’re chatting, can you turn down the Diplo? Some of these AIs, you don’t know how they ever made it out of beta. But for the most part, many of them drive just like human beings who had a late night last night.
So, are you ready for the big twist? The trip I just described is not possible and never will be. I was just messing with you. You know why that one company is called Waymo? Because convincing computers to drive is way mo’ hard than they thought. Now let’s all go out to the parking lot and rip donuts in my Camaro.
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