Here's one thing every car brand does well — with some sarcastic exceptions

I was oscillating between two possible topics for my opinion column this week. First, my thought that rugged, off-roady SUVs and trucks have replaced sporty cars as a means of flaunting one’s wealth, machismo and/or fashion sense … and why it means our choices as driving enthusiasts are waning. But then I started yelling at a cloud and got distracted. Second, a detailed thesis on why car horns should go back to the ah-oooo-gah noise and how it’s a travesty that it went away as an industry standard. But then I realized everyone would be on board with that and I’d be singing to the choir.

So instead, I started thinking about any hot takes I might have about the various car brands. Turns out I could come up with quite a few. So here you go, one thing every carmaker does really well. Some may not be entirely serious … or actually positive. Feel free to add some of your own entries in the comments below.

Acura – Going for it. The sensible thing probably would’ve been to make dull cars for sensible-minded luxury shoppers who couldn’t possibly care about the handling benefits of SH-AWD and whatever results from the brand’s focus on “Precision Crafted Performance.” Instead, we get a new generation of Type S models, a reborn Integra and a clear intention to make interesting cars.

Alfa Romeo – Being fully committed to making cars for people who like to drive. Good for them. Even the non-sporty Lusso trim level I recently tested on the Giulia was still incredibly responsive and fun to drive. Ditto the Tonale plug-in hybrid.

Audi – Sound systems. Maybe this is more a shout out to Mr Harman and Mr Kardon, but the sound systems of the last two Audis I’ve driven, the S4 and Q8 E-Tron, left such an indelible impression (as did the one in my old Allroad), it’s hard not to shine the spotlight on them.

BMW – Grilles. My god, man, they’re magnificent. Whether they’re enormous, have a bunch of unidentifiable black plastic stuff inside or resemble a Pontiac, they’re all just pure genius. Round of applause.

Bugatti – I’ve never driven one. I imagine it’s the cupholders.

Buick – Making cars people buy but no one wants to read about.

Cadillac – Moving on from great names of its past. Why would you want something called Eldorado when you can have an XT5 or a Hypnotiq? Wait, that’s a blue liqueur for college girls in 2004. Lyriq. That’s it. Lyriq.

Chevrolet – Pickup truck interiors. This would’ve been the same entry two years ago, but sarcastic.

Chrysler – Being confident enough in your brand to sell only one vehicle next year, a van.

Dodge – Colors! You can get a Challenger in light blue, electric blue, Joker purple, candy apple red, bright red, traffic cone orange, bronzey brown, forest green and electric lime green. Even the new Hornet offers more than just eight shades of grayscale. Bravo. Also V8s.

Ferrari – Screaming V12 engines. Same as it ever was.

Ford – Going boldly into the future. You don’t get the impression there’s actually a plan that’s coherent and entirely thought-out, but Ford is clearly not afraid to put resources behind what could be next.

Genesis – Interiors. Genesis designers manage to minimize visual clutter and create compelling organic designs without losing the Hyundai Group’s exceptional functionality. Hooray for distinctive color combinations, too

GMC – Making an EV that’s offensive to environmentalists.

Honda – Air vent grilles. My god, man they’re magnificent. This time I’m serious. Round of applause.

Hyundai – Driver assistance tech. True, all of Hyundai’s gadgets and gizmos designed to keep you safe and your drive a little less stressful are also available on Kia and Genesis vehicles, but I could only pick one of them to award this to. So here, way to go with the ADAS, Hyundai!

Infiniti – Putting Erin Andrews in its commercials? Are they still doing that? No? I’ve got nothing. This seems like a brand that doesn’t knows what it is or should be.

Jaguar – Oh boy. This is sad. It used to be “unique design” and “cars that were proudly different from the Germans,” but then it adopted the Russian nesting doll school of automotive design for each of its models and that difference was lost. And the interiors got worse. And the EV lead it enjoyed with the I-Pace was squandered.