These Are The Hills You'll Always Die On When It Comes To Bad Cars

Before the Spark, before the Aveo, before the Metro, Chevrolet slapped a badge on a Suzuki Swift and called it the Sprint. Tiny, noisy, slow and in general an underwhelming car, but well over 40 MPG, even when being driven like it was stolen, (that was necessary most of the time), I loved the one I had many moons ago.

I purchased an ‘86 4 door hatchback with a rebuilt title and < 1000 miles, (repaired correctly by a local shop), in 1986 for $1600, which, even in 1986, was near no money for a vehicle. I was working off hours so I rarely had to deal with traffic, which I’m sure has jaded my opinion. But, 2 years/60K miles later I sold it for $1500 after nothing more than gas/oil changes/an air filter and a set, (3!), of plugs.

Tiny 4 wheeler with serious off road credentials, especially when modified. American version of the Suzuki Jimny or Mitsubishi Pajero.

Peak-Malaise and the poster-child for inefficiency - a 230 inch long coupe with (realistically) seating for four medium-sized adults, a 460ci V-8 that barely put out 210 hp and returned maybe 12 mpg on a good day, and handling like a water buffalo on roller skates.

But they rode like a cloud, the seats were super comfy and the car would eat up 300 miles of highway like no one’s business.

80 to 85 gm x bodies. Specifically the later ones. After the infamous brake recall, they turned into decent cars the public soured on. They soldiered on in slightly modified form as a bodies and there are a lots of cutlass cieras on the road to this day. Lots of mechanics didn’t like them because ‘fwd new ness’ but they are easy to work on and parts are cheap.

A lifter sloping roofline sedan made into a crossover. It’s what all the cool kids are doing now, it was just 10 years ahead of its time.

Slow, dated, inefficient. In the real world, all I am looking for is adequately quick speed and the best interior build quality money can buy.

The Mitsubishi Mirage is a perfectly cromulent car. It is reliableish, able to take most of the stresses of commuter life, low maintenance, and cheap to buy and run. That is all ninety-nine percent of the driving public care about. It is also small enough to park in crowded cities and apartment parking lots without worrying too much.

In fifty years, if Jalopnik is still around, there will be articles and columns praising it and trying to find the unicorn barely used, original condition, example of Mirages.

That is my hill, and here I shall die.

Has to be an S version for me. Absolutely love mine and I’ve had some killer cars. Perfect daily (6’2 200lbs) and can’t rust out since it’s a carbon tub on an aluminum chassis with some magnesium thrown in. Lightweight (under 3k lbs), low center of gravity, acceleration is quick, and takes to mods very well. I’m on i8 wheels with brembos from a mini as well as lowered and all sorts of other things. Limited slip diff is up shortly so I can drift it in roller mode.

I already know how this is going to go over, but hear me out. I like the Cybertruck. Not because I think it’s good, or useful for its intended purpose, or because it will live up to even a fraction of the claims Tesla makes about it (of which they are as myriad as they are absurd). No, I like it because it’s different, divisive, and was able to elicit strong emotions on both sides of the good/bad subjective argument.

Not every innovation has to be a winner, and I think that’s okay. Some of the most innovative companies out there tried new things that, in retrospect, were ill-conceived and poorly positioned (think Nintendo Virtual Boy, Windows Phone, Apple Pipin, etc.). The CT seems to be more of a conversation piece than a useful product, and it is impressive to see the same levels of passion in the automotive enthusiast community as the venerable Miata (albeit in the wrong direction).

For me, that’s something you can’t say that about 99% of whatever new anonymous mid-size SUV blob that gets announced, and for that, I like that the Cybertruck exists.

I loved the look of mine.

Only a V6 under the hood, if you want trunk space then you literally have to drag a Prowler trailer, but I DON’T CARE.

Plymouth took a walk on the wild side with this modern hot rod and it was a helluva send-off for the brand—kudos for Plymouth to have the balls building the Prowler. Head-turning gorgeous looks are still killer a quarter-century later. And due to this being the type of car that the owners didn’t rack up megamiles on them, so great condition Prowlers haveto be out there. If I had a 3-car garage, this would be the third one—abso-effing-lutely.

These look pretty great, have a killer engine, and are aging gracefully.

*runs, ducks*

People will always come out saying, “but they are so unreliable”. That’s largely true of the 20+ year old models. Doug Demuro really added fuel to the flame with documenting his 2006 RR, which is by and far the worst model year (of the L322+ generation) due to it being between the BMW and Ford ownership era, with a mix and match of parts from both. 2008+ L322's were much more reliable, as are the L405 generation (aside from the timing chain guides and coolant crossover pipers, known issues).

Modern RR’s can be dependable if maintenance is correctly done, on time. These are complicated cars, with adjustable air suspension, active roll bars, and center and rear locking diffs. That being said... I wouldn’t own one without some sort of extended warranty.