Jimmy Kimmel Celebrates Trump Indictment: ‘Melania Is Smiling’
Jimmy Kimmel is a happy man. Less than two hours before the late-night host was set to begin taping Thursday night’s show, he and his team got word that the “day and night that many of us never thought would come” had actually arrived: Former President Donald J. Trump was indicted by a New York grand jury.
While the last-minute news forced Kimmel and his team of writers to essentially throw much of what they had already written for the show’s monologue “in the garbage,” the host is not complaining. “Because the ‘J’ in Donald J. Trump now stands for ‘jail,’” said Kimmel.
Though Trump had already sent up the MAGA signal that an indictment was looming, as of Thursday afternoon it was being widely reported that the grand jury would be taking a break from the case for the month of April, which made the announcement even more surprising.
“For the first time in the history of this country, an American president has been indicted for his role in paying hush money to a porn star,” Kimmel explained.
“Although in fairness,” he added, “that’s a pretty narrow window. Like, when Grover Cleveland was president, porn stars were very hard to come by. But, still, it’s historic and it’s funny. It’s very, very funny. Of all the things he’s done, the one that bit Trump in the ass is a round of post-golf putter butter with the star of Sexbots: Programmed for Pleasure.”
But Donald’s downfall led to another historic moment: “For the first time in seven years, Melania is smiling at Mar-a-Lago,” said Kimmel.
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