Yahoo Autos Plymouth Satellite, Ford Mustang GT350R, Kawasaki Ninja H2: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online
Do you feel the need? The need for speed? But not, y’know, the video game. Or the 2014 major motion picture adaptation starring Aaron Paul. I’m talking good, old-fashioned, fighter pilot need for speed. If so, if you feel that specific need, you’ve come to the right place.
This week on Dopest, we’re looking for speed. But not just top speed, trap speed, or corner speeds — we’re looking at all the ways a vehicle can be fast. If you’re wondering what that even means, how a car can be fast without physical speed — well, you’ll just have to read through to find out. Welcome to this week’s Dopest Cars.
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The seller of this Plymouth claims the car’s V8 is cammed, meaning it may earn that little wing tacked on to its rear end. That, alone, should qualify it under this week’s speed mandate. But what if I told you that the cam alone is just the beginning of this car’s go-fast prowess?
See, this isn’t just a Plymouth — it’s a Plymouth Satellite. I have it on good authority, from trusted sources, that the Satellite is the only classic muscle car capable of FTL speeds. With that, it may be the fastest thing on our list.
1990 Acura Integra - $6,000
The Acura Integra is, in our collective memory, a fast car. Sure, many of the old base model were plain old commuters, but those aren’t the cars that have been preserved. The Integras of today are all fast, because we remember them being fast, and our modern interpretation of the vehicle has to match our misplaced nostalgia for what once — and, at the same time, never — was.
Take this Integra, for example. Its stock engine has been removed — making the car, objectively, less Integra — and replaced with one from a Prelude. This makes the car faster, bringing it more in line with how we all think an Integra should be. Is it possible to make something less itself, and in so doing make it more itself?
1994 Suzuki Sidekick - $3,150
Is a Suzuki Sidekick fast? No. For a Dopest focused on speed, I admit this is an odd choice. But, allow me to give you a thought exercise here: Imagine showing up to a track day in this Sidekick. Everyone’s hanging out in the paddock, checking tire pressures on their Neon SRT4s and Miatas, when you roll up in a stickerbombed Sidekick.
No matter how fast you actually lap that track, onlookers will say you were screaming along. This vehicle doesn’t look like it wants to go over 25 miles an hour — look at the wheels alone. This Suzuki sets low expectations for its speed, so that the bar can always be cleared. It will always look fast.
2014 Ford Focus ST - $8,500
I honestly don’t know when Focus STs got this cheap. It seems like the last time I checked, clean ones were still pulling in over $20,000. Now, a top trim with reasonable-for-the-age mileage is less than half that. Is the economy okay? Should the Fed be intervening?
Sure, this ST isn’t mint. There’s some visible paint damage, and the interior has certainly seen its share of wear. But, for $8,500, how much more can you really get? Practicality, convenience, a massive aftermarket, and that oh-so-precious speed — it’s all here.
2017 Shelby Mustang GT350R - $70,000
As long as we’re talking fast white Fords, though, there’s another name worth mentioning. Like the ST, I don’t need to convince you of this Shelby’s speed merits — you know what you’re getting yourself into here. Yet, with this specific Shelby, there’s something unique.
I have never, in my years roaming this Earth, seen an all-white GT350R. Every single one I’ve laid eyes on has had blue stripes up the center, because heritage and tradition and what other colors can you even paint a car. This one, unstriped, might be the fastest way to stand out in a crowd of Shelbies.
1997 Chevrolet 1500 - $3,995
“Surely this old Chevy, with nary a smokestack or turbodiesel badge to its name, can’t be fast. There’s no way it fits the need-for-speed bill Steve set out in this slideshow’s introduction. I implore you, leaders of the website Jalopnik, to have this writer publicly ridiculed for including such a choice under such a theme.”
You’d be well within your rights to send emails like this to our esteemed EIC (remember, for all complaints, my name is spelled A-n-d-y K-a-l-m-o-w-i-t-z), but consider this: A $4,000 truck, with a claimed “solid” frame, is the fastest way to get your business back up and running after a vehicle failure. Need to haul landscaping gear? Carrying things to the transfer station? Need to pull a trailer? I can think of no faster way to get back on your feet than a cheap, solid truck. Checkmate.
1992 Mazda Miata - $1,900
An NA Miata is not a fast car. I owned one myself, I know how they operate. This early car would have the smaller 1.6 engine, the differential likely no longer limits slip — if it ever did. This is no track weapon, no half-mile slayer, no time attack monster. But can you imagine a car that feels faster than a wrecked Miata?
A standard old Miata feels quick, with its body roll and screaming tires doing their best to convince you that you’re doing double the speed indicated on your dash. Add in the anxiety of a wrecked vehicle — wait, what was that noise? — and there’s likely nothing on earth that feels faster from the driver’s seat.
2011 MINI Cooper S - $5,000
