Yahoo Autos The Year in Review: Automotive Winners and Losers
Loser: Nature
As if Volkswagen's Dieselgate wasn't enough, it emerged early last year that the brand-in addition to other German manufacturers-had sealed monkeys in airtight chambers plumbed to the exhaust pipe of a diesel Beetle in an attempt to prove that the fumes were safe. There's a line in Idiocracy, Mike Judge's prophetic comedy about the dumbing down of America, about how meaningful scientific progress stalls because the country's best scientists are focused on reversing hair loss and prolonging erections in lab monkeys. Apparently there are even less useful things for scientists to do to primates.
Winner: The Idiocracy Prophecy
In an early analysis of the effects of potentially relaxed fuel-economy standards, NHTSA suggested that higher mpg allowances would reduce roadway fatalities because they would encourage people to drive bigger, safer vehicles. Peterbilt and Kenworth took note. Sensible minds suspended that particular wrecking ball, but nobody at ad agency Highdive thought twice before co-opting a Martin Luther King Jr. sermon on serving others and the dangers of materialism into a commercial for Ram trucks. On a more "act locally" level, a man in Connecticut stole a car to get to a court hearing for stealing a car, while in Maryland another man applied so much body spray while inside his Chevy HHR that when he lit a cigarette, the car exploded. Oh, and at least one person seeking to become Instafamous was hit by a car while participating in an internet challenge that encouraged people to dance alongside moving vehicles.
Winner: Elon Musk
No fewer than three Teslas drove into stopped firetrucks in 2018 while allegedly on Autopilot, but Silicon Valley's greatest showman still had a hell of a year. Getting the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission to reference your weed joke in a lawsuit filing is an elite life goal, but so is delivering a glowing, stretched-to-bursting middle finger to the investor community as Musk did when he tweeted on April Fools' Day that Tesla was bankrupt. Shares plummeted; Musk remained a billionaire.
Loser: The Investor Community
The investor community proved that it deserves the middle finger by questioning at what point the late CEO of FCA, Sergio Marchionne, had informed the company that his health was in decline-presumably so it could be determined whether or not shareholders had sufficient grounds for legal action over when a man told his coworkers he was ill. No sources indicate that any shareholders sent fruit baskets or flowers to Marchionne's survivors.
Loser: The Fragile Membrane Separating Reality from Fiction
In a scene straight out of one of the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, actor Chevy Chase was kicked to the ground after flashing his lights at a truck that cut him off in traffic in New York State. A cars-and-coffee event in Dubai turned into a real-life YouTube compilation when at least six Mustangs crashed into one another while leaving. And Shelby American brought an Xzibit meme to life by filming a Super Snake Mustang doing a burnout on a trailer being pulled by a Shelby 1000 Ford Super Duty doing a burnout.
Winner: Ralph Gilles
Further stretching the membrane but proving that it's not all Idiocracy on the other side, FCA's head of design, Ralph Gilles, put on his hero's cape when he happened on the scene of a violent car crash. As he pulled over to help, a Ford Edge that was lodged against a Fiesta with two occupants trapped inside burst into flames. Gilles used his Jeep Wrangler to push the Fords away from each other.
Loser: Baby Steps
Two of the most famous lap records were decimated in 2018. The Nürburgring record had been set in 1983, when Stefan Bellof did a 6:11.13 in a Porsche 956C. After Dieselgate fallout prompted Porsche to divert its World Endurance Championship LMP1 budget into the far less exciting Formula E series, a group of engineers liberated the three-time Le Mans–winning 919 Hybrid from WEC restrictions and cleaved nearly a minute off that 35-year-old time, running a 5:19.55. Sister brand Volkswagen redefined speed at the Pikes Peak International Hill Climb, where the record was 8:13.878 until the electric I.D. R laid down a 7:57.148 this summer.
Winner: My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad
In response to Porsche's announcing its Nürburgring Nordschleife time, Christian Horner, whose Red Bull Racing team worked with Aston Martin to develop the $3.2 million Valkyrie, stepped forward to reassure people who'd reserved the track-only Valkyrie AMR Pro that of course Aston Martin is considering an attempt at an even faster lap. AMG boss Tobias Moers chimed in with what amounted to an "oh, yeah, us, too" regarding his brand's F1-engined Project One hypercar, but then he backpedaled, telling an Australian automotive site: "I think we could. I just don't know what we'd do it for." Hey, Moers, until your dad proves otherwise, everybody assumes he's a weakling.
Winner: Footwear
No automation function is so common as automated parking. It's built into products as diverse as the Jeep Cherokee, the BMW X6, and, now, slippers at an inn in Hakone, Japan. As part of a Nissan promotion, the slippers gained the ability to "park" themselves in neat rows at the push of a button. And in Formula 1, where the controversial driver-protection halo saved its first life this year, footwear also shared the spotlight. In recognition of the halo's awkward appearance, McLaren secured sponsorship of its halos from flip-flop maker Gandys, which suggests that Musk might be sharing his grass with someone in Woking.
Loser: The Last Vestige of Non-Douchefied Life
With the facile pursuit of popular admiration widespread, the obscure and patently blue-collar world of motocross seemed like a stronghold against internet culture. But then Honda teamed up with teen-pregnancy outfitter Forever 21 to create a clothing line inspired by Honda Racing gear from the '80s and '90s and launched it with an Instagram contest. Color us shattered and broken. But the winner took home a Honda CRF250L dirt bike, which plenty of Forever 21 customers seem likely to, well, shatter and break themselves on. Some things have a way of policing themselves.
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