Someone Please Buy and Then Actually Drive This 37-Mile 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am

The Pontiac Firebird Trans Am is an objectively awesome car. Even the F-body Firebird that Jason Torchinsky (may he rest in peace) said was uglier than a Mitsuoka Orochi. He claimed he was willing to prove it with his fists, and he’s no longer here anymore, so you can probably guess how that fight went. Trans Am superiority, baby. Good news is, if you want to be superior, Barrett-Jackson will be auctioning off a 1979 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am that would be perfect for you.

Now, you won’t be going anywhere particularly quickly in this Firebird. It may have a 6.6-liter naturally aspirated V8, but remember, it’s from 1979. It probably makes like 40 hp by the time the three-speed automatic is done with things. But you don’t need power to embrace your status as a superior human being if you buy this Firebird. You just need to drive it.

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Please. Buy it and drive it, because the previous owner sure didn’t. It only has 37 miles on the odometer, which should be a crime. How do you look at that gorgeous screaming chicken on the hood and think, “Yeah, probably best to keep this locked up in storage,”? How do you resist the urge to settle into those beautiful Carmine Red seats and cruise around town? Just how?

Maybe the original owner was ashamed of the fact that they didn’t have a mustache? On the one hand, that would make sense. But on the other hand, owning a Firebird magically gives everyone the ability to grow a mustache. That was literally in the owner’s manual. Page 47. Second paragraph. Look it up. (Don’t actually look it up).

Sure, certain details such as the window sticker still being on the passenger-side window, and the dealer tags still being present make this a great example for someone to keep in a museum or private car collection. But the Firebird wasn’t meant to be caged up. It was meant to be set free. There’s no telling how much it will cost, but surely someone reading this website has the money and the desire to set this Firebird free. Please.

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