These Are The Worst Stories Of Pilots Being Dangerous Idiots

When an off-duty Alaska Airlines pilot tried to kill the engines on a commercial flight earlier this week, every reaction seemed to coalesce around a single question: “Hey, bud, why’d you do that?” Now, after a police interview, it seems the pilot has finally given us the answer. Turns out he was high as balls.

Remember the beginning of Independence Day, when we first meet Randy Quaid’s character? He’s in a red biplane, drunkenly crop-dusting the wrong property before landing on a local road. While the character saw redemption later in the movie, it seems an Indiana pilot has decided that this version of Russell Casse is the one to idolize — only with out quite as smooth a landing.

Once you’re on a plane, your fate is in the hands of the pilot. You’re going where they want to go. Unfortunately, the pilot of a recent British Airways flight from London to Düsseldorf, Germany, ended up in Scotland, 525 miles away from a whole plane full of people’s intended destination, all thanks to some shoddy paperwork.

The BBC reports passengers only realized the error when the clueless pilot announced to their confused passengers, “Welcome to Edinburgh.” The passengers thought it was a joke until the airline stewards asked by a show of hands who was expecting to go to Düsseldorf that day.

A British Airways pilot was fired and will likely never fly a commercial airliner again after he attempted to work a 12-hour flight after a night of hard partying where he used cocaine. The pilot was caught after he bragged about his night out to a flight attendant via text message. The attendant then reported the incident to Britain’s flag carrier. British Airways immediately suspended the pilot and canceled the intercontinental flight.

One United Airlines pilot seemingly snapped in an employee parking lot at Denver International Airport. KCNC reported that 63-year-old Kenneth Henderson Jones was arrested and charged with misdemeanor criminal mischief in early August. The alleged incident was caught on the airport’s CCTV cameras. The footage shows someone in a pilot’s uniform, identified as Jones, attack a parking lot gate with an ax.

A flight from Paris to Washington D.C. was canceled after the pilot was arrested before he could go drunk flying over the weekend.

United Airlines flight UA331 was supposed to leave Charles De Gaulle International Airport at 5 p.m. That was before security officials spotted the pilot with glassy eyes and staggering slightly before boarding around 3 p.m. in the afternoon, according to Le Parisian via One Mile At A Time.

Around 5 a.m. Saturday, Cory Wayne Patterson stole a Beechcraft King Air C90A and took off from Tupelo Regional Airport in Tupelo, Mississippi. WREG reported that the 29-year-old Patterson worked at the airport fueling planes for the last decade. He was able to depart without any issue since the airport’s control tower isn’t usually staffed until 6 a.m. Fifteen minutes into his flight, Patterson called 911 and threatened to crash the Beechcraft into the local Walmart. Police responded promptly, evacuating the Walmart and its immediate surroundings.

Susan Benson, a passenger on the flight, shared her experience in a viral Facebook post. A passenger on the previous flight had vomited in that row of seats. Staff from the Canadian flag carrier quickly wiped the seats down before the next flight. They also sprayed perfume and put coffee grounds in the seatback pouches to try to hide the smell.

Trevor Jacob, a 29-year-old YouTuber and former Olympic snowboarder, has pleaded guilty to a felony charge for obstructing a federal investigation by destroying the wreckage of an airplane that he deliberately crashed. According to the U.S. Department of Justice, Jacob admitted in his plea agreement that he lied about the aircraft’s total loss of power and crashed the plane to garner online views and make money.